A rant about some I once worked with

There’s been something picking at my mind for a couple of years now. It’s dragging me down and, worse, making it difficult to write. Here’s the sequence of events that caused it and my reaction to it.

 

I was working with another author on a trilogy of vampire books set in Europe at the time of George III. Her name is Celina Summers.

 

The project wasn’t easy for me. I’d never worked on anything that big before and big things make me nervous. Enough so that my depression started to manifest so for a short time I wasn’t contributing project as well as I could.

 

But I got restarted on my meds, the depression cleared up and I got back to work.

 

But I was also enjoying the project quite a bit. It was challenging both my imagination and skill.

 

Now Ms. Summers and myself both hang out at the Absolute Write forums, and we both participate in the Politics and Current Events sub forum there. Our political views are quite different but it’s a free country. She has the right to hold her views and I believed she thought I had the right to mine.

 

I was very, very wrong about that.

 

One day I posted this. Now let me make it very clear. I like capitalism. It’s the best economic system we humans have come up with yet. However I don’t believe capitalism, the economic system, cares much for democracy, the political system. It’s far more comfortable with advanced authoritarian systems that are not opposed to capitalism. I know many people disagree with me but I have the right to believe that and the right to say so.

 

Which is why it was such a shock to receive this e-mail from Ms. Summers.

 

* * * *

Rob,

 

You need to remember that everything you say online can and will come back to haunt you.  When you complain about how the writing of a book is going, I know about it.  When you inform the world that due to ‘circumstances with other people’ the book release is delayed, potential customers see it and assume we haven’t done our job.  When you bust forth with anti-US sentiments on a political section of a writer’s board, those posts show up on Google AND IT TURNS PEOPLE OFF FROM BUYING THE GODDAMN BOOK.

 

Look, I personally don’t give a rat’s ass what your political opinions are–you can just keep them away from me and we’ll be fine. But, when your behavior starts to affect my pocketbook it really pisses me off. As far as that goes, you can argue to your heart’s content if you just support you contentions with reliable sources–not op eds or Wikipedia. But above all, you have to treat people with a modicum of respect and the way you’re behaving at AW is not respectful. When I start getting PMs and comments about my writing partner’s behavior, things have gotten a little out of hand. AW is a strong customer pool of mine and you’re pissing all over it.  Use the helpful sections, the writing sections.  Play in Office party.  Post in P&CE with good source material and a more respectful tone.  And for God’s sake, stop stomping all over the customer base.  Whether you like it or not, the majority of book buyers are American and there’s nothing you can do to piss them off quicker than to equate them to fascists or spout off bullshit about slavery being the high point of capitalism.

 

Seriously.

 

Celina

 

* * * *

 

As you can see Ms. Summers decided that she had the power to tell me what I could and couldn’t say on-line. If she had a problem with what I said she should have dealt with it there, with the same guidelines she laid out for me. Instead she lays down the law about how I can and cannot act.

 

The only reason I could think of that she could get away with doing that is that she believed the power of our professional relationship and friendship (We had been friends up to this point) could let her get away with that. Also was the sotto voce threat that she would go to our publisher and kill the project. She’d bring up ‘my behavior’, meaning my saying things she disagrees with, and then ‘my behavior’ would be spread around and kill my writing career. All because she doesn’t like what I say and has no trouble using any power she has over me to get me to STFU.

 

I loathe bullies and that’s what she did, bully me.

 

I tried to explain to her how I felt in an IM conversation, but she wasn’t having any of it. She even made it clear she felt no obligation to stop posting her political ideas on-line because apparently hers wouldn’t cause the problems mine did. Her were right and wouldn’t make anyone angry. Picture me rolling my eyes here.

 

I stayed with the project but my heart wasn’t in it. I left after the second book was finished. I no longer trusted Ms. Summers and you can’t work with someone you don’t trust. I’m sure she was relieved to see me go.

 

I’ve found it very difficult to write since. Quite simply Ms. Summers fucked me up but good.

Why? Because this is very typical of how things go in my life. People always ‘move the goal posts.’ Here I thought creating a book is all about writing but now I find out it’s about propriety; proper talk and proper beliefs and proper behavior. And I’m afraid propriety is not something I’m good at. I never have been and I never will be. I’m the propriety equivalent of dyslexic. My mind just simply cannot comprehend the subject. It makes no sense to me.

 

So I have trouble writing these days. I’m too sure that I’ll step over some line somewhere that I’m not even aware of and then I’ll be back to square one with any hope of a career. I keep thinking “Why bother? I’ll be judged on the things I’m not good at rather than the things I am good at.”

 

It’s really tough to do anything when you believe that ultimately, it doesn’t matter what you do. It’s going to end in failure.

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Tonight-America Lost.

This is going to be long, and not the nice “angel voice”.

To any of my friends, family, or acquaintances…if you voted for trump to win…may you rot in hell.

You’ve just elected a man who has lied his entire life. A man who takes pleasure in bullying others. A man who cannot be trusted in personal matters, (see his multiple affairs, marriages, and now lawsuits and accusations of abuse from multiple women.) You’ve elected a man who has numerous court cases against him, including fraud cases. You’ve elected a man who when asked just tonight what he would do to help bring America back together, retorted, “Why should I give a Fuck about the other half.”

You’ve elected a man who cannot even run a business. He’s had 6 bankruptcies… He actually lost money on his casinos during a huge boon in the casino industry. He’s refused to pay people who have provided services that he said he was happy with, but then, refused to pay for because he decided he shouldn’t have to pay anymore and bragged that he would use the courts to destroy them.

You elected a man who literally dodged going into military with a non-existent medical condition that supposedly kept him from military service, yet he was able to play sports with no problems with that same supposed medical condition.

You elected a man, that most, if not all of you heard with your own ears say that he assaults women because he’s rich and famous. He disrespects women, people of any other race, people of any religion that isn’t the right religion. Don’t assume because you call yourself a Christian that you’re safe…unless you are “the right kind of Christian” in that orange bastards eyes, you are not safe.

You have elected a man who discriminated openly and blatantly against people of color. Not just blacks, but Hispanics, Muslims, and anyone else that is “other” to him and his followers. You’ve elected a man who said openly he intends to destroy anyone who spoke out against him, who defied him.

You have elected a man who is no man. He is a perpetual, petulant, spoiled bastard child who you have just handed the keys of the country to. You’ve elected a bastard who will destroy us. Piece by piece, law by law, State by State, Person by person.

You have elected a man, a House of Representative, a Senate that will literally take away the rights of more than half of the citizens of the United States of America. They will take away women’s rights, they will take away LGBT rights, they will take away the right to freedom of religion. They will take away the right to Freedom of Speech, Press, and the right to assemble. They’ve made it clear that they want to take away the right of the press, of “the wrong people” being allowed to protest, of the “wrong people” being allowed their religion, of “the wrong people” being allowed to have guns or to open carry or concealed carry even where it’s allowed and is supposed to apply to all, but we all know, it’s only for “the right people” The white, male, Christian’s.

You have elected an Executive branch, a Legislative branch, and now an appointed Judicial branch that will begin to remove those who aren’t “productive” citizens, such as myself, a disabled woman, from SSI/SSD, Social Security, Affordable Care Act (Wrongly called Obama care,), from Medicaid and Medicare. They will gut the Food stamps, they will reduce Minimum wage, they will destroy the economy, in a way that even the Great Depression couldn’t have done. Anyone who lived through that time, knows where America is about to go through.

You’ve elected a man who has said he’ll appoint Supreme Court Judges who will destroy America, by appointing only the Ultra Conservatives. You’ve elected a man who will change not only the face of the Supreme court for the next generation to come, but the face of America.

Tonight, you’ve shown that you are no better than Donald J. Trump. You’ve shown that you are as racist, as misogynistic, as evil as he is. You’ve shown that you don’t care about anyone but yourself and what you want. You’ve shown that you don’t care about anyone who is “different” from you.You’ve shown that all you care about is what you can have, what you want, and not what is good for the USA as a whole.

Tonight, I am ashamed to be an American. I’m ashamed to call myself a Christian. I’m ashamed to show my face to my friends of other races, color, religions, and what not. I’m ashamed of being a white person in the country I’ve called home for 51 years. I’m ashamed of the country I’ve loved and prayed for my whole life.

For the first time in my life…I will refuse to respect the office of the president, for the American people have shown they have no respect for it, so neither do I.

America’s pride is what has now destroyed her. America’s belief that we are the greatest nation on earth, and our shit don’t stink is why we are where we are tonight. God has turned his back on America tonight just as America has turned their back on God. Congratulations to all of my Trump voting Christian friends. You’ve voted for a man who said he doesn’t need forgiveness.

How wrong he is. How wrong America is. America, you own this. You brought this on yourself. You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.